I often have ideas in the hazy semi-conscious before I fall asleep. Sometimes they're lost forever, but other times I remember them in the shower or while I'm rocking a baby to sleep. Anyway, I had this idea to blog about gratitude, and it evolved from many places, so bear with me.
My one year old son, Mason, was diagnosed in August with something called Hirschsprung's Disease, a semi-rare bowel disorder. He had a temporary colostomy for three months and then his corrective surgery on November 16th that (hopefully) fixed him. I kept telling people that we were thankful that his problem could be corrected, but when it was just me thinking about it, without the heaviness on my shoulders of putting on a happy face, I realized I wasn't thankful. I was angry, upset, frustrated, and at times bitter. I don't want to be this kind of person, and I don't want one incident to ruin the parts of my Pollyanna-esque personality for good.
Another reason for this is that my husband frequently tells me to relax. Just relax. Just relax. Just relax. It takes many forms and different words are stressed. It's an easy direction to give but almost impossible for me to follow. When Mason was first diagnosed, it wasn't so bad in the hospital. But two weeks after we got home, he was readmitted (for what, we're still not sure, but that's for another day), and that incident hit me hard. The positivity I had slapped me in the face a few times, and I was hesitant to be positive again for fear of another lashing. I feel like if I am constantly on guard for another problem then maybe it just won't happen. In reality, that's no way to live. And it's not fun to be married to someone like that. So I hear, anyway. :) Actually, my husband is very supportive, and I know he just wants me to relax. In fact, he gave me a massage and reflexology gift certificate to help with that!
Ok, so these seemed like great reasons to start a blog. Then life started to get busy, and I figured, "why should I start this? I'll never finish. I'll never blog every day." blah blah blah. I decided to chalk it up to one of those ideas that I think about but never fully realize and filed it away for later.
Well. Life, God, the Universe had other plans. Last night I watched an Oprah about National thank you day. A little coincidental, but nothing too weird. Today, I walked in to work to a thank you card sittinng on my desk. Hmmm. I couldn't take it anymore when I got this email from a staff member:
Welcome Back! we have a dinner or two for you in the freezer. I am sorry, but i don't know you but i have been praying for you and your family. I have three boys myself. The staff took up a donation and the Cultures & Cuisines classes have made some meals for you. Please feel free to stop down and take home a meal or two to make coming back easier :) I was wondering about your family. i am so glad things are so much better !
Seriously?
So here I am.
My original plan was to send one handwritten thank you card every day, but I think that might be unreasonable. My goal is to blog daily about something I am thankful for, and to send a minimum of one handwritten thank you card a week. I am hopeful that this assignment will help me to see the good in my life and not be constantly waiting for the ball about to drop on me. I am hopeful that someone will read it. But we'll see.
Today I am thankful for having the confidence to try something that may not work or just is plain stupid. I am thankful for myself.
